Pity Party

Pity party table for one.  Maybe two, depending on the day.  I keep feeling like something is missing, like I should be doing something else, something more, something different.  But I don't know what it is.  I do know it's not anything spiritual.  And it's not relationship type stuff.  I also know myself well enough to know that I have really good intentions but super sucky follow through.  I have this idea in my head of a book I'd love to write, even have the title and everything but I have yet to write one word.  I want to send stuff out to a publisher or agent but feel like it's a lot of work for very little chance of it actually paying off.  I know that I am the only one that can change what I like, don't like and what I want and don't want, but I'm lazy and don't want to do it.  It's always easy to go the, well, easy route.  And I wish I weren't so lazy about all this stuff.  It's up to me and only me to change the things I don't like about myself and/or my situations.  Just rambling on and on here.