Fos/adopt

I never really thought about having kids until I actually got pregnant.  Then I worried that all the tests for Down Syndrome or any other "syndrome" would come back positive.  I worried that my baby boy would have red hair and look like Danny Bonaduce.  I would hyperventilate at the thought of the baby trying to come out.  What if he got stuck and couldn't breathe?  What if I accidentally suffocated him inside my own body?  Sheer panic, I tell ya!  But then I had him.  Out the window instead of through the door as my husband likes to say.  He did get stuck but everything turned out ok.  Now that first baby is almost 15 and the second one is almost 11.  And now I would like another kid.  Not a baby and not a toddler, I know my limits.  I work with 17 3-5 year olds every day and I can honestly say that I love that age but it would be like starting over for us.  We're in the home stretch of having an empty nest (yes, yes, it will be a while still, but the "end" is in sight) and we have plans for when the kids leave us.  So the alternative is to foster or adopt or fos/adopt an older child.  We've discussed the benefits of another boy or the thrilling unknown of adding a girl.  We're already parents to boys so we know we can handle it.  Ryan and Zach have very specific criteria for the child, but gender isn't a huge deal to them.  I say no one can be older than Ryan since he's our first born and being the oldest is his role in this family.  Zach does not want anyone younger than him.  He thoroughly enjoys being the "baby" of the family.  Zach wouldn't mind having an older sister.  That means I'd become an instant mother or mother figure to a 12 or 13 year old girl.  Which means I'd add a hormonal, emotional girl to my hormonal, emotional boys.  I think I'm crazy for considering it.  But I do like the idea of having another girl in the house.  The boys would take her under their little wings and protect her.  I also think I'm living in fantasy land to think that it would actually go just that smoothly.  I'm rambling of course.  I'm confused.  I love the thought and the idea of fostering/adopting and we've started the process, about a third of the way through the whole thing.  We know there is a need for caring foster parents and a definite need for older children to have forever families.  Anyway, I think I'll stop there for right now.  Give it some more thought.