Mixed feelings...

Got to hang out with Ryan's girlfriend tonight.  Well, not really hang out but...get to know her a little better I guess.  He told me that she was kind of loud and I have now figured out that what he meant was "outspoken".  She really does say what's on her mind.  She certainly isn't afraid to tell me that she really likes my son.  I guess I'm glad for that. :)  He's a good kid and I trust him.  Not so sure about her yet though.  Not saying she's not a good kid, I just don't know her well enough yet to determine that.  Anyway, right now they are in the living room watching a movie.  Ry also has another friend over so there is a "chaperone" so to speak, but they still don't have a parent hovering.  So it's a win win.  She's bold enough to say that she wants to sit with him on the chair and bold enough to do it right in front of me.  It's a big chair by the way.  I'm not sure if I like her being that bold.  Like I said, I just don't know her well enough.  Hmmmm....

Today I saw pictures from my cousin's wedding.  It made me think of Ben, the beautiful son she lost in a tragic accident a few years ago.  She got remarried and in one of the pictures it shows a rainbow in the background with a caption that says something like, "Ben was letting us know he was there with us and he approved!".  It made me tear up a little because it was just so perfect.  A hot August day in Arizona and all of a sudden, a beautiful rainbow right as his mom is taking a picture.  Atta boy Ben! But it makes me sad to think about her and her sadness of missing her son.  He was about the same age as my oldest almost is now and I can not imagine my life without this wonderful kid in it.  Forever Ben will be 15.  Forever Ben will not have had an opportunity to get his driver's license.  Forever Ben will not be married or have kids of his own.  And my heart aches for her for all those things that will never be.  So I'm glad she is finally seeing some happiness in her life. 

I'm also trying not to drive myself crazy thinking about the holidays already.  Maybe I should just save that topic for another time.  I think it's time to get Ry's girlfriend home anyway.  I'd hate for her to miss curfew and not be able to go to the homecoming dance tomorrow!  It's also time for me to just shut my brain off and let it rest and recharge for tomorrow. 

Until tomorrow, then......