I'm back and I'm in the club!!

It's been a long time since I've been able to sit down for more than a few minutes and catch up on my blog and all the wonderful blogs I follow.  But, here I am ~ and I'm glad to be back.  I've missed this.  The "end of the year" is always super busy for us trying to get out classrooms and paperwork organized and finalized and then my boys have their end of school year stuff like band performances and what not.  Busy, busy.  So anyway....

I joined a club when I was in AZ a week ago.  And it's a club with very good company.  I have one brother that is in this club.  Several cousins are in too.  Many of my high school classmates have joined the club already.  My husband is in this club.  He's been a member for 2 1/2 years already.  Sucka!  (Just kidding honey! Not really).  We're in the 40's club!!  Wooohoooo!

I guess when I was younger I never really pictured me being here.  I mean, when I was 20 I didn't picture myself being 40, married almost 17 years, 2 kids, 3 dogs, a house in the midwest with lush trees and green, green grass in the front AND the back yards.  Didn't really picture anything, really.  Just didn't think that far ahead. 

I panicked when I turned 30.  It actually depressed me.  I seriously cried and felt sad that my "life" wasn't where I wanted it to be.  And most of you will know what I mean by that.  It has nothing to do with your husband and kids.  It's all about YOU.  It just felt like once I reached 30 I should have had the dream career thing going on and should have had all of life's answers.  But once I reached 30 I didn't have any answers to life just more questions.  By then I had 2 small children and things had changed.  Not that anything was bad in that regard, it was just....I don't even know how to explain it, it just was a personal feeling that I had some unknown, imaginary goal that I never reached. 

So....I actually formed goals.  Just small personal ones that fit well within that 10 year span between 30 and 40.  So far, I've reached a few.  I wanted to go to school and get my associates degree.  I started college right after high school but never finished.  I promised myself that if I was able to get grants and not loans I would take online courses and get that damn AA.  I started at 35 and finished while working a full time job and a part time job, raising kids and even moving half way across the country.  I also wanted to raise really great kids.  Did that too!  Ryan is an amazing, kind, compassionate, articulate, funny teenager who isn't a "jerk" as my sister in law would say.  Zach is just as funny and random, but also fiercely determined (stubborn!) and has a bit of a serious side when necessary.  Of course I couldn't have done it without Steve.  He really picked up the slack while I was doing school work.  He'd do laundry and dishes, clean the kitchen.  It just made it easier on all of us and it seemed to work out that way.  And as a bonus, I got spoiled and he still does most of that stuff most of the time still.  Way to go Steve! :) 

Anyway, I guess my point is this:  At 30, I didn't know what I wanted but was upset because I didn't have it.  At 40, I know who I am, I know who we are and I know what our priorities are and should be.  This has nothing to do with fame or fortune (neither of which I have) it just has to do with how well we've done with what we have.  Simply put, "What I want is what I've not got.  But what I need is all around me."  (Dave Matthews)

Ok, it's a long winded post about me turning 40 but my mind is all jumbled from work and travel and aging and stuff, thanks for sticking with me! lol