Change starts with ME!

Actually change starts with C but that's beside the point.  If you've been following/reading my blogs (thanks, by the way!) you can probably tell I'm sort of at a cross-roads.  I think I get this way every year at this time, when the new year is looming and I look back on the last year and decide it was pretty suckish in the personal development department.  I always want to change it and make the next year much, much better.  I'm not unhappy with my family life, there is no impending doom or gloom in that area, it's just me, personally.  ME.  Change has to start here.  With ME.  I've been giving myself the pep talk the last few days.  No one is going to knock on my door and hand me the key to unending happiness.  And I'm not naive enough to believe that I can always, always be happy.  Terrible things happen and I have to deal with those too.  But...if I want things to change in my life I have to be the one responsible for it.  I can't and don't expect Steve or anyone else in my immediate family circle to make things "better", or right, or...whatever.  It's not like things are horrible or bad. They are just the same.  Always the same.  I'm tired of same.  I want something different.  No drama, just different, more exciting stuff in my life.  Try new things, have new experiences.  Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that I am a typical mom of two who carts her kids from practice to game to practice to game.  I eat this stuff up and live for it!  But that's temporary and I don't want to "start" my life after the boys are gone.  I want to start now.  So, apart from the ever constant "resolution" of losing weight, I want to try one new thing every few months.  I don't know what it will be, I'll have to research and see what is offered in town and maybe outside town a little bit, but I've got to do something.  I'm so freakin bored!!!  I think I feel it more this year than any other year because I'm here in a small town with very few friends and very few options.  And I will turn 40 this year and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I just want to have a fulfilled life.  So that is my vent, my rant.  My other lifestyle change!