Well, that sucks...

I read somewhere the other day that there were an estimated 17 million people with diabetes. After Friday, it's now 17 million and one. I have diabetes.

I don't much about it, I don't know how I got it. Ok, I can guess how I got it. Mostly from having unhealthy habits. It's adult onset Type 2 so that means, at least for now, I have to take medication but not insulin.

My doctor tried to explain it to me but it's not really fair to think I'd remember any of it because, let's face it, when you first get a diagnosis for a disease you aren't really thinking about the how or the why you are thinking of the "what now" and the "how is my life gonna have to change" and "crap, this is really inconvienient".

I told my kids and they were a little scared. For the last two days they have monitored my eating and drinking habits, asking me if I'm sure I can have that.  And for the last two days I have told them the truth and I say, "I don't know".  Because I really don't know.  I know that I should stay away from sugar and simple carbohydrates that break down in to sugar.  But....can I eat fruit?  Bananas are high in sugar but can I eat watermelon?  I love chips and salsa.  I could live off the stuff.  But the chips are bad, right?  What if I switched to whole grain chips, is that good enough?  It's all rather confusing.  I know some diabetics drink diet soda.  I'm not a fan but I can tell you that sometimes water just isn't good enough.  I need something extra.  But diet citrus green tea tastes funny and sweet to me.  That's not good, right? 

I understand it's a balancing act and is somewhat difficult to find the balance at first.  But what are the alternatives?  I have to find that balance or I get other symptoms and could lose a foot or go blind.  Or die.  Yes, it all sounds dramatic and I'm really not trying to be overly dramatic about it because that's not good for anyone.  But I can't ignore it and I have to treat it with a sense of urgency because it has to get balanced.  Because the alternative really sucks! 

I'm taking medicine and hope that it starts to improve my blood glucose.  I'm checking my sugar obsessively right now.  I don't know how a "high" feels and I don't know how a "low" feels.  I know right now I'm extremely "high" but I feel fine.  And I know that most diabetics feel "fine" even when they have a high.  So I'm just trying to figure all that out.  My family has been supportive and I'm grateful. 

The day I was diagnosed, 7/1/11, I went out and bought 2 books and a planner/guide.  One was Diabetes for Dummies and the other was a cook book.  The planner/guide has given me some great info.  Ironically, the web has not, but I think I'm looking for the wrong things.  I don't want to know the scientific, medical part of it, the pancreas and the glucose and the blood and the ketosis or whatever.  I want to know how to take care of it.  TELL me what I need to do.  I mean, in a way it does, it says watch what you eat and exercise.  But it doesn't tell me WHAT to eat.  I want someone to give me a menu with things I like and will want to actually eat and drink.  But that's not what they do.  At least I can't find anything anywhere.  I'm looking for someone else to take the burden and just tell me what to do to make it better faster.  And that's not how it works.  I know. 

The diagnosis explains a lot though.  My vision has changed in the last year but I didn't attribute it to diabetes.  Just figured it was time to have my eyes checked.  Been a little crabby lately.  I usually have a high tolerance for my kids obnoxious tendencies but recently, not so much.  I've also been super tired.  I thought maybe it was due to the heat and humidity of summer.  But it's been really bad lately.  Like, wake up and shower, clean the kitchen, throw a load of laundry in and call it a day, take a nap kind of day.  One of the worst parts of this is that I haven't had the energy or the desire to blog or do much of anything.  Anything.  It truly sucks. 

I'm hoping with the meds now and watching my intake of, whatever, I'll be back to my normal "lively" self.  In the meantime, I'll just keep trying to stay awake and take care of me and my family.