Maybe an answer??

So I've been praying lately for something good to happen for our family.  Praying for positive change.  And today we could possibly have that change.  Not sure how things will work out but it's nice to know that God is listening and providing some sort of answers. 

21 Things I Like About Me....

I am having a pity party for myself.  I don't really want to do that so I'm trying to turn the negative thoughts into positive ones.  So I decided that I would pick a random number and make myself list that many things that I like about me and my life.  Here goes *in no particular order*:
1.   my name
2.   my hair
3.   my husband
4.   my Ryan
5.   my Zach
6.   my painted toenails
7.   my friends
8.   my family
9.   my dogs
10. my taste in television
11. my taste in books
12. my SUV
13. my job (mostly)
14. my sense of humor
15. my house (most of it)
16. my ability to rock the "hooker boot" look!
17. my caring heart
18. my randomness
19. my curiosity
20. my laugh
21. my eyelashes

Can you pick a number and list the things you like about yourself??  Try it!

Pity Party

Pity party table for one.  Maybe two, depending on the day.  I keep feeling like something is missing, like I should be doing something else, something more, something different.  But I don't know what it is.  I do know it's not anything spiritual.  And it's not relationship type stuff.  I also know myself well enough to know that I have really good intentions but super sucky follow through.  I have this idea in my head of a book I'd love to write, even have the title and everything but I have yet to write one word.  I want to send stuff out to a publisher or agent but feel like it's a lot of work for very little chance of it actually paying off.  I know that I am the only one that can change what I like, don't like and what I want and don't want, but I'm lazy and don't want to do it.  It's always easy to go the, well, easy route.  And I wish I weren't so lazy about all this stuff.  It's up to me and only me to change the things I don't like about myself and/or my situations.  Just rambling on and on here. 

Prayers needed

Friends and family going through some difficult times right now and prayers are needed.  One is being sent to Afghanistan and another has a "suspicious" lump.  Pray that God keeps these two loved ones safe and healthy and that their families are going to be ok too.

Thanks ~
Alicia

Seriously

Need a windfall of cash and good luck.  Or just cash.  I can make my own luck!  Some days you're the windshield.  Some days you're the bug.  And sometimes by days I really mean months. 

In 4 more days

I will be married for 16 years. To my best friend, my confidante and my soul mate.  It's all the same person of course.  I'd marry him all over again.  Funny thing is, I don't think many people expected it to last as long as it has.  Wish I would have made a few bets, we'd probably be able to take a vacation with our winnings!

Is it cold in here or is it just you?

Not sure what dear hubby and I have done lately to deserve the cold shoulders and attitude we've been receiving.  Is it community wide PMS?  Usually when you see your friends you greet them with a hi, hello or at least a wave.  Maybe a what's up.  But to ignore completely and act like you're not even there?  And then there are the people that talk behind your back.  Friends to your face but because of deeds and actions you just know they are waiting for you to leave the room so they can whisper to their other friends about you.  Friendships change over time and I know this.  I'm ok with this.  But abruptly? No warning? No confrontation?  No reason?  It's hurtful and confusing and it just plain pisses me off.  I'm counting down the days (approx. 365 x 8) until I can put this town in my rear view and head for much warmer climates, in more ways than one.

Last one to the car is a loser....

When my brother and I played it, it was called rotten egg.  As in, the last one to the car is a rotten egg.  With my boys it's the last one to the car is a loser.  It used to be that Ryan would say this to Zach and of course he's already half way to the car so Zach is the "loser" and would pout and get really upset by this.  Then Zach started getting wise.  And fast.  He can often out run his older brother so Ryan really has to get a head start now. 
Today, we're walking back to the car and Ryan says this.  At first Zach doesn't take any part in it.  But then... oh, it was beautiful to see what happened next.  This kid cracks me up!  He leans down, takes off his shoe and chucks it at my truck.  It hits with a huge thud, right on the hood.  Only it's not my truck.  Zach runs up, picks up his shoe, runs two cars over to our truck, gets in, shuts the door and slunks down into the seat.  Thankfully nothing was damaged and no one else seemed to notice. :) 

Pong

So today my husband told me that he would not want to live one day in my brain.  He said it's like a game of pong going on in there.  I have to agree.  It's kind of exhausting.  I over think and over analyze everything. 

And on another note, we were talking today about our anniversary coming up.  16 years this coming Friday.  Yes, yes, thank you, it is awesome! :)  Anyway, we were deciding on if we were going to make plans or if we were just going to hang out at home and chill.  We don't usually make "date night" a priority.  I said I didn't really care if we went into town for a meal or anything but I did want to go to the hobby store and each pick out something that we wanted to do just for fun.  We always do our duty and meet our obligations and responsibilities, but where is the relaxation, the fun, the JOY?  I think maybe I'll buy a cheap set of oil paints, a few brushes and a canvas and go to town.  Even though I don't have an artistic bone in my body and can't draw a straight line, I think it will be lots of fun just to try.  I'm wondering what he will pick out. 

So many sad, weird things in the news today.  And so many pathetic news makers too.  There is a story on the web right now about a dog and her owner that is absolutely heart breaking.  The dog is old and has problems with her spine making it very difficult to walk.  He feeds her by hand because she can't move well.  His family said their goodbye's, including 2 little boys, and he took her in to be euthanized.  The doctor gives her the shot and he takes her home to be buried in the family's backyard.  He goes to dig the hole and several hours later he goes to get the dog.  She's STANDING up, obviously alive!!!  Now he doesn't have the heart to put her down again.  Or the money.  It's so unbelievably sad.  And she's still not well.  The recent suicides of young men and women that are bullied in person and bullied on the internet.  Just sad and wrong on so many levels.  Then the stories that are just stupid, that actually make the "news".  "The Situation" gets booted off "DWTS"...who cares?!  The latest Brangenlina story??  Really? 
But the great news today, the miracle for today...the rescue of all 33 Chilean miners!  Now, that is newsworthy.  Thank God for the miracle!

Heart lifting

Just a little bit ago, Zach sat down next to me and asked me why I love him.  I said, "first, you are my son.  Second, you are kind hearted, funny, random, considerate and handsome.  Why do you love me"?  He said, "First, you are my mother.  And there are so many reasons I love you I can't even say why I do".   Ahhh, I really love that kid!

The Indian and the white girl

The wise Indian sits on my right shoulder and whispers in my ear all the good things I should be doing or thinking and tries to reason with me.  The crazy white girl sits on my left shoulder and says "girl, please".  Usually I listen to the wise Indian.  Sometimes I really prefer that crazy white girl.  The Indian says, "you have plenty, you don't need to buy or pay for anything else.  Save your money".  The crazy one says, "maybe you should upgrade your phone so you can get email on it and all those other goodies!"  I actually am on the computer less and respond to email less than ever before.  That was a wise move.  I really hate it when the crazy white girl wins.

Conflicted

For the most part I really like my job.  And I think I'm pretty good at it.  I get frustrated with families that have no ambition to be better than where they are at now.  I get frustrated at the ones I see using and abusing the system.  We try to help them reach self sufficency and give them tools to try to get out of poverty.  Poverty is a sad thing.  That's really not the point of my blog, that's a blog all on its own.  I'm frustrated because the pay sucks!  My boss told me we don't do this for the money.  Yeah, well I don't like doing it for damn near free, either.  I'm kinda stuck right now but mostly I'm probably just in a funk and feeling sorry for myself.

Fos/adopt

I never really thought about having kids until I actually got pregnant.  Then I worried that all the tests for Down Syndrome or any other "syndrome" would come back positive.  I worried that my baby boy would have red hair and look like Danny Bonaduce.  I would hyperventilate at the thought of the baby trying to come out.  What if he got stuck and couldn't breathe?  What if I accidentally suffocated him inside my own body?  Sheer panic, I tell ya!  But then I had him.  Out the window instead of through the door as my husband likes to say.  He did get stuck but everything turned out ok.  Now that first baby is almost 15 and the second one is almost 11.  And now I would like another kid.  Not a baby and not a toddler, I know my limits.  I work with 17 3-5 year olds every day and I can honestly say that I love that age but it would be like starting over for us.  We're in the home stretch of having an empty nest (yes, yes, it will be a while still, but the "end" is in sight) and we have plans for when the kids leave us.  So the alternative is to foster or adopt or fos/adopt an older child.  We've discussed the benefits of another boy or the thrilling unknown of adding a girl.  We're already parents to boys so we know we can handle it.  Ryan and Zach have very specific criteria for the child, but gender isn't a huge deal to them.  I say no one can be older than Ryan since he's our first born and being the oldest is his role in this family.  Zach does not want anyone younger than him.  He thoroughly enjoys being the "baby" of the family.  Zach wouldn't mind having an older sister.  That means I'd become an instant mother or mother figure to a 12 or 13 year old girl.  Which means I'd add a hormonal, emotional girl to my hormonal, emotional boys.  I think I'm crazy for considering it.  But I do like the idea of having another girl in the house.  The boys would take her under their little wings and protect her.  I also think I'm living in fantasy land to think that it would actually go just that smoothly.  I'm rambling of course.  I'm confused.  I love the thought and the idea of fostering/adopting and we've started the process, about a third of the way through the whole thing.  We know there is a need for caring foster parents and a definite need for older children to have forever families.  Anyway, I think I'll stop there for right now.  Give it some more thought.